Rose During active insurgency, we faced a lot of problems. When you go to collect food or in the evening when one is in the garden, Lord’s Resistance Army rebels come and destroy you.
The incident that remains fresh in my mind - the one event that I will never forget is when the rebels got us harvesting peas. I had gone to collect food to feed the children. The rebels attacked and raped us. There were six of us and at that time I was six months pregnant. The rebels were all armed. They wore smart civilian clothes and others wore new army uniforms. They were very proud you could not easily tell if they were rebels, government soldiers or Karamojong22 raiders. They raped us without shame - women, grandparents, in-laws and children. No wonder we cannot easily tell where we contracted the HIV virus.
As I speak, I am not fine. I am one of the people whom the rebels raped. After the rape I got up and ran as fast as I could but the rape had already weakened me. While I was running I stumbled and fell. When I got up to run I did not know that something had pricked my stomach. I cannot still .gure out if the rebels pricked me while I was being raped or if the stick pricked me the time I fell. Fortunately, the stick did not dig deep enough to harm the baby. I later produced my child without any complications. He is alive.
The time I gave birth, I did not have anything for taking care of the baby. I just ran as the sound of the gunshots intensifed the pain in my waist (labour pain). I did not know what exactly was happening to me. I ran until I reached a shea butter tree where the contractions intensifed and I gave birth all by myself. There was nobody around to assist me. I had plaited my hair with threads. I released a strand of thread from my hair and used it to tie the baby’s cord. There was no water for me to bathe with. There is something called Apipil rao (spear grass), I split it in the middle and used its sharp edges to cut the umbilical cord. Then I wrapped my baby and laid it gently on the ground. I was being tempted to walk away and abandon the child. My heart got hardened on realising that the baby was a boy. I wanted to throw it away. But God touched my heart and I decided to just carry it since the child was innocent. You cannot run away from what is yours. At about that time many people had gotten rid of children. They killed many children!
I would move round with my child who was poorly wrapped. People would ask, ‘What is that you are carrying?’. Suddenly, the war started afresh. I wandered in the bush for over three days without bathing the baby or myself.
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Manoocher Deghati/IRIN
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The baby’s cord healed and fell in the bush but that child’s survival has been a struggle. To prevent the baby’s cord from rotting I had to clean it using my saliva. I would spit on the cord and then wipe it clean, spit on the cord then wipe it clean. The child is alive to this day but then he never listens to any one maybe because of what he went through before and after his birth. Even If you try to talk to him he just ignores you. But he is very intelligent. He is very bright in class although the problem of fees usually disorganises him. The war has affected our children’s education and our girl children have been worst hit. Even before she is old enough to get married you .nd her eloping with a soldier. As I speak, I have a daughter whom a soldier took away, he eloped with my daughter without marrying her not even giving me any dowry. When you produce a girl, the soldiers somehow take her away. A girl child cannot endure, she is always looking for a comfort zone, looking for where the money is. This makes life very difficult.
As I continued living I started falling sick. I could not understand what was happening to me but I miscarried. After I miscarried I said to myself after the rape, my husband’s death and contracting TB, what could have happened to me? Is it the war that has done this to me? I then went to check my blood and I found that I was HIV positive. I have the AIDS virus.
After the test I felt at peace within myself now that I knew the cause of my ill health. That’s what strengthened me and kept me alive till now. I have lived positively for over ten years maybe even .fteen years. I am now on drugs. I get the drugs from the main hospital. The drugs are free I don’t need money to buy them. But getting registered with the hospital is the most dif.cult thing. I had to struggle to get registered. I am not certain of how I am going to end up. But I believe that I will survive another ten to fifteen years.
My husband lost the battle too soon. He died of AIDS. When we returned he became a changed man, fearing the stigma, he isolated himself. He would only open the door for you to give him food then he would close it. He lived in denial. He kept his status a secret. But I said to myself, people have always spoken of HIV/AIDS. It seems this guy was told that he was positive that’s why he refuses to mix with people and he refused to be put on drugs. He always insisted that he was bewitched but given the state of his health I decided to go for a test. I went for a test because the rebels had raped me, my husband was sick, even the people around me were sickly.
The message that I am sending out to you is that you should have mercy on us. There is this child who was in my womb while the rebels raped me called MB. If there can be any kind of counselling or if he can be taken to a far off place where he can study well I would be very grateful. I am sick and if I am to die now and leave these children alone on this land they may just become the target for the rebels. Even though I am sick, I would not mind as long as my children are being assisted. I only think of my children’s education.
I now live at Ngetta ginnery. The thought of my village still traumatises me. I will never return to the village. I will not return for a second blow. Even those who are insisting that we should return should know better than that. Even if they gave us money for returning home what’s its use when all the men who should build houses are long gone and you have nothing to start with? I cannot go back for a second war. I won’t ever return.
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[22] Pastoralists from NE Uganda many of whom have taken to cattle rustling, clashing with rival clans due to limited natural resources