Lucy I’m called Lucy, I was born in Dog Otako Lawiyo Village. We came back from the foreign land [12]. While we were there, my father mistreated my mother. He also mistreated me. I guess I grew up facing problems. My mother would sieve rotten posho [13] and that is what we would eat. When we returned home to the village, we continued to be mistreated by my father. So, we went to my maternal place and then later we came back to my birthplace.
I wasn’t able to get an education because of my father’s misconduct (he mistreated my mother and I). When someone begun to hold my hand (when a man showed interest in me), I was not yet mature for marriage, but then I thought it would be better for me to get married and face problems in another place. It was unfortunate that I married a poor man. He had no parents. During the war, my husband was abducted and later killed. He left me with two children and I had four more children with another man.
At the time people were ordered (by the government) to leave their homes within 24 hours in order to move to the camp. Everybody left their homes but I had no strength to leave. I couldn’t leave because I had so many children and luggage to carry with me. I was the last one to leave. The government (soldiers) wrote to me saying that if I remained behind then I was collaborating with the rebels.
I said ‘God honestly you are the one that created me, see my future like the future of a human being’. I collected my children and came to the camp (Puranga). There was no food to eat. By that time, my name was not included in the list for World Food Programme food distribution. I would do casual work. That’s how I would survive. People in the camp, who saw what I was going through would provide me with beans, give me flour.
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| Manoocher Deghati/IRIN |
If problems are not mixed with disease then you can survive. When people saw how thin I was they said I must have AIDS. People who were testing blood to check for AIDS came here and I went and tested for the virus, they said:
‘Mama you don’t have AIDS’.
‘What should I do?’ I asked them,
‘Continue to protect yourself’ they said.
Honestly, up to today I have continued to protect myself. I can say that riches cannot be begged. For me, the pot of poverty that God has given me, I will carry and will not beg for luck. If he wants, he will give it to me. He can give me wealth in future. I have now passed the years of a young person, I am 40 years old.
I have accepted the problems that God has given me to carry on my head. This is what I am narrating to you so that you people who live in this world should know that peace cannot be begged. Poverty cannot be begged. So, when your friend is facing problems, you should not laugh (at them). When your friend is peaceful, don’t be proud of it. See a person facing problems like yourself because everybody is the same. If they cut my skin, I will have the same blood as that of a rich person.
I could return home because the problems I face in the village are nothing compared to the problems in the camp. In my home, I farm my late husband’s land and I yield so much food. In the camp, I have to wait for World Food Programme food. Until it arrives only then my children can eat. Even for clothes, I have to do casual work then buy clothes for my children. I have never worn these tailored clothes [14] neither have my children. I love my children. Me, I see the future… I see that the rebels disturb people. I think that I should stay home since the government soldiers don’t want us to stay there and the rebels abduct us. I want to rest. I have sacri.ced my life. I want my children to remain in the camp and then I can go home and farm. What if I go with them (to the village) and landmines hit them? I will be sending them to their death. What if they (the children) dig out a landmine from the ground? If a landmine hits me while I am farming then the government can take care of my children.
Government soldiers arrested me for delaying in the village after everyone had moved to the camp. I told them there was no land for me to farm (in the camp) and my name had not been included in the list for food distribution. When I told them the truth, they accepted what I had said and then they made me sign with them.
I said that I wouldn’t return to the village (without permission) in case the war hasn’t ended. I signed with them in 2005. I returned home in 2006 to build my house, which everyone (internally displaced person) has been told to do so. But those who should return should return at their own will and not by force not even from the government.
I have a dispute with my in-laws who are now farming my own land. So I have taken my case to the people concerned in Sub-County and they have said that a widow’s land should not be trespassed. I have four boys and land is passed on from generation to generation and as I do not have a father-in-law my children will inherit the land and be able to pass it to the next generation.
I composed a song about the problems I have faced. It is called ‘Why Do I Face Problems Yet I’m Still Young’. When I sing it, it relieves me from pain.
When I got married, I used to sing songs that are infuenced by the ancestral guidelines. I continued to sing even in the camp.
As I got older when I got married, I started singing gospel songs and songs for traditional dances. The song I mentioned just came as a thought, so I sang it. I even thought that my mother or my father would beat me for it.
Yes, when you have problems you think about anything, day and night. What can I do? Can I sing to relieve the pain? So every time a song comes to my heart I sing it. So the song doesn’t bring tears, but tells the stories of my life so that any person hearing the song can sing it too.
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[12] Anywhere other than your home land or village
[13] Dough-like staple food made of maize flour
[14] Refers to ready made clothes